I need to find it.. Motivation that is.  You would think that a trip to Hawaii(in 20012) would be enough, but it isn't.  I want to lose weight, and I know I NEED to, but I have no motivation.  I enjoy eating and being lazy too much.  How do I change that???? I don't want a gym membership, because I wouldn't use it, waking up at 5 am just isn't for me, and running and me aren't the best of friends.  I have everything I need in my home... wii, wii fit, biggest loser dvd's, firm butt dvd's, firm abs dvd's, what else do I need.   I need DRIVE and I don't know where I can buy that.... Do you??

I thought of one thing today in the shower. I haven't discussed it with Dan yet, but it would be an immediate thing. My thought was PICTURES.  Yes you read that right pictures.  We have a hard drive, well I think we still have it, that has pictures of our kids from the time Dan and I started dating (late 01) through Hope's first birthday ( late 03).  We can not access those pics.  Our hard drive crashed and we will need to have it messed with by "experts". Of course when you say the word experts $$$$ comes into play.  When it first crashed we were told that we would need to have $100 to have them look at it and see if they could even get stuff off of it.  If they could get our info we would have to have them grab it right then, which could cost up to $1500.  Now of course those pictures are priceless: Hope's birth, two years worth of our family fun, pictures of my beloved grandma,  but you still need to have that money.  I am sure the cost has gone up. 

My thought is.... If I try my hardest and lose as much weight as I can between now and Feb. then maybe we could use part of our tax return to see if those pictures can be recovered.  I have longed to see those pictures since the day our computer died.  Maybe that would be more of an instant gratification. I could use the pictures that we have from that time frame as reminders and encouragement.

Here are the pictures I have for ALL of 2002, I don't have any from 2003 until Oct.  The only reason we have these is because Dan and I went to California after we were married and we made a slide show for my uncle who let us use his car and time share.  I think it was 2 years ago my uncle came for Christmas and he told me that he had a gift for me.  I watched him pull the disc out of his pocket and instantly started to cry.  My Mom and talked to him and asked him to find it and copy it so we could have a copy.  He just brought it to us so we could copy it for him. I will never forget that day  it was the best present I received that year.

I was 8 months prego here :)
this last one is at the hospital when i had hope. 

We do have pictures of our vacation to California too.  I wonder if this would be motivation enough.  I hope I can find something.

Love to all

Okay, so maybe posting everyday is out of the question for me. 

Yesterday I don't remember everything I ate, I know that I had one helping of dinner and then I shared dessert. I did only have 1 pop and some water.

Today, I have done so so.  I probably ate too much for breakfast ( bagel and two packets of oatmeal) I had a sandwich with sun chips for lunch ( thanks amanda) but then I had like 5 hershey nuggets with almonds...oops.  I had only one helping at dinner and now I am munching on cardboard and salsa ( I mean baked chips).  Once again, I had 1 pop today ( thanks amy) In which Dustin drank 1/2 of it.

I didn't go to the gym this morning, but I did my biggest looser DVD, which about killed me during the warm up. 

So far I feel pretty good about everything.  I am worried that on Monday, I won't loose any weight, but I guess I will deal with that then.

I know I need to drink more water and make sure I am not only eating the right amount of things, but the right things.

Love to all

I can't believe how long it has been since i have been on here.  Our lives have been pretty boring.  I guess that is good.  Dustin and Breanne just finished their swim season and Hope will be starting gymnastics next week. Dan has been busy at work and I have been busy with my work. Life is just busy.

As most of you may remember, I posted about a year ago, Dan told me that if I lost 75 pounds he would take me to Hawaii for our 10 year anniversary. Well.....Umm..... I lost 20 pounds last winter, about this time in fact, and I have gained it all back.  I just gave up. I hit a wall and instead of preserving and working harder I found it much easier just to quit.  This morning I was looking through some pictures of when Hope was a baby, and I almost cried.  My baby was 3 weeks old, and I was wearing the clothes that I had worn right before I became prego.  I thought "What have I done to myself?"  I know what I have done, I have gained 50 pounds. 

Here is the thing... I have been working out 2 days a week with friends.  Okay honestly... I have been waking up at 5 am to go watch them work out. I get there and complain about how tired I am and how I don't want to be there.  Which I don't. But I am so I guess I should make the most of it.

So as of today, this blog is becoming my weight loss journey.  I am asking all of you to hold me accountable.  Tell me NO, I may be upset at first, but in the long run I will thank you. I won't post nasty pictures of myself, because I don't have any, but I am going to try to post everyday what I have eaten and what I have done as far as exercise.  I am setting a goal of 50 pounds at first.  That would get me to my pre-prego weight with Hope.  I know that I really want to loose 75 pounds.  So I will start with a goal of 50. I know it will be hard work, but it needs to be done.  I have no magic diet that I am going to follow, because then I loose site of me.  So this is me making a life change... NO SECONDS, SMALLER PORTIONS, and 1 POP/Day.  I was going to say no pop, but that always back fires on me because of my pop-aholic disease . If I allow myself one a day, I am less like to binge. Of course I will exercise.

As of today I weigh 258 pounds.  My jaw just dropped when I weighed myself, because this is my heaviest weight ever.  So change of plans, my first goal is to get to 200 pounds which will be 58 pounds to loose.  I will weigh myself again in the am and post that as my official starting weight.  I hope this isn't TMI, but this time I will not weigh myself naked right after I go potty.  I want it to me a more natural weigh in for me, so when I go to the Dr. at 4 in the afternoon, his scale shows a weight loss too. Last year that happened to me, and his scale showed only a 5 pound weight loss instead of the 15 pound weight loss that I was thinking I had.

I am very much an instant gratification type of person, so if you have any ideas of things that I can set smaller goals for, so I don't give up.  Please tell me. I really want to loose this weight so I will need all the encouragement I can get.

Love to all